Matt’s Story

Poem

Night is when they come for me/ When I close my eyes and my body is still/ My mind is weak/ The dark shades the shadow as they come for me/ They wait for the night/ I don’t notice/ They wait for the absence of light/ I want to forget/ They tell me this hurts too much/ I can feel myself slipping/ They tell me that I don’t have to fight anymore/ I can feel myself sinking/ They tell me I’ll never be good again/ I can feel myself drowning/ They choke me from the inside/ But I thought I had beaten this feeling/ They tell me I know nothing/ I can feel myself losing/ They call me murderer/ I can feel myself turning/ They tell me I belong with them/ An impact/ A whirlwind/ What’s that smell/ Everything’s upside down/ I’m choking/ It hurts/ What’s that smell/ My eyes don’t work/ Someone else/ Does he hurt like me/ I don’t want to know/ His life is gone/ I stole it/ For what/ There was no reason/ What a waste/ Forgive me/ You know you haven’t dealt with this/ Because it hurts too much/ Because you’re a coward/ Forgive me/ Everything they say is true/ I want to forget/ You’ll never forget/ This hurts too much/ You’ll never forget/ They come for me in the night– Matthew Cordle

 

 

4 comments

  1. Susan Pugh - April 9, 2015 9:32 pm

    My cousin… You wrote what was in your heart and it was beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye knowing you go through the mixed emotions daily. You are one of the strongest people ever. Love to you from Nevada! Susan

    Reply
  2. Lelia Ventling - April 10, 2015 10:22 am

    Matt– I feel your pain and struggles. I want you to know you can allow light (the light of love) in those dark places too. Please try meditating 2-3 times a day for 15 minutes. I want you to know there is a centering place within you—a sacred place in the center of your being that IS good. YOU deserve love, because this is the truth. Open yourself to allow this to fill you, entirely. It is okay if other negative thoughts come in. Just let them go, over and over. The more you practice this the more peace you will find. Remember meditate on this 2-3 times with a 24 hour period. Do this during the dark times as well.

    I (along with others) will be sending you prayers of love, light and healing. Just give yourself *permission* to love *yourself* also. It takes time and it is okay not to do this perfectly, the journey is wholeness, not perfection. Love IS the key that lights your pathway to peace. Practice forgiving yourself. Forgiving WILL crack open the darkness and let love’s light and peace flow through and fill you. Start the meditation by saying “I am Matt, AND I deserve peace.” For now, just practice, practice, practice… and it WILL get better. ODAAT.

    Love and blessings,
    –Lelia

    Reply
  3. Nina - April 17, 2015 9:48 am

    Thank you for sharing your demons and fears with us. An nagging fear if you will ever be “good again.” I am wondering if sharing it with us through this poem brings in some light. Helps to crack open the dark spots that try to grab a hold of you at night. I appreciate you sharing your struggle with us. I am hoping for a night filled with stars when you close your eyes, Matthew. Nina

    Reply
  4. Nina - August 24, 2015 11:49 am

    Congrats to Grace and Save Your Victim for being selected by CoverMyQuest. Look forward to hearing about another safe ride. Thanks for all of the great work y’all do. All my best to Matthew and his family, Nina

    Reply

Have your say