SaveYourVicitm

Baby

I don’t want to forget that I also have good news to share. Several months ago now, my sister Grace surprised me at a visit (right in the middle of a picture) and told me that she was pregnant. I want to share that photo….my face says it all. I can’t wait to be an uncle and feel so happy for my sister and her husband. I’m excited to see her be a great mom.

My dad has also received some good news. After a long battle with some health issues, he is finally healthy and is on his way to feeling better. I can’t even begin to describe what a great feeling that is for our entire family.

Life is just a series of events, the way we look at it gives it meaning. I choose to look at the positive things now. It would be easy to get wrapped up in the negativity of this place, but how selfish would that be when all of these wonderful things are happening in my family?

I want to apologize again for the lack of activity on here recently. It is important to me that we keep trying to do positive things to help people. That brings me to our next project. As well as raising awareness and organizing safe-ride events, I would like to add a third part to our mission. That third part will be in the form of education. Now that I have dove into my education, I realize that it is the greatest opportunity you can give to someone else. It has provided me with guidance and a purpose while in this place. My hope is that we can provide a scholarship fund to both the victim and the offender of a destructive decision such as my own. That way, we provide an opportunity to the victim, or the family member of a victim, to open doors and pursue his or her passion. To the offender, this would help to ensure that he or she better him or herself so that they do not follow the same path as before. I am open to ideas on this and would like to hear from you on this topic. Thank you in advance for your feedback.

I will leave it at that for now. Time to hit the books and study.

 

 

 

 

Grandma

So my grandmother’s health is steadily declining and my sister explained to me that the doctor had a conversation with her about making some tough decisions. Honestly with such a long sentence I have entertained the possibility of not seeing my grandma again, but accepting something like that is impossible. Words can’t describe how much I love my grandma, she had always been my best friend and having her always think the world of me is what has kept me in this world. She is the most amazing person in the world, she is the kindest woman you will ever meet but she protects the people she loves like a lioness. She has endured more than most people have in ten lifetimes and she has endured it with more grace and love than anyone ever has. She has experienced so many negative things in her life but given out so much more positivity. She is my light and whatever happens that will never extinguish. I will see her again one way or the other, if it can’t be in person then it will be in our dreams. I think about how much she means to me and if I would ever be able to forgive someone if they took her from me in the same manner that I took Vince from the ones who loved him like some of them have forgiven me. That strength is the same strength that my grandma has, the strength of love, the strength of her heart. I love you grandma.– Matt Cordle

Purgatory: Matthew

I’ve been incarcerated for ten months now, I haven’t written in awhile because I have been in a very bad place mentally. Prison itself is not half as bad as you all think, of course it is horrible by any realistic, humane standards but the real punishment is simply a purgatory. That’s what prison is, purgatory, and you have to find a way to live with what you’ve done. I haven’t figured that part out yet but I won’t let this place break me either.

Most of the other inmates in here are just as lost as I am or either they are too ignorant to even acknowledge. I was raised with pretty good values and morals and I am ashamed of myself most days at all of the horrible things that happen to people in here that I have to overlook or ignore, the main priority in here is self-preservation, that’s all. The best way I can describe prison is imagine that you are in a neighborhood that you always avoid or always lock your doors when you drive through it, you know the kind, now imagine being stuck in it. That’s what prison is like, the scum of the earth all gathered into one place and I’m one of them. Enough of that though, I am about four months away from completing the recovery program that I am in, I am nearly a year sober, I am in better shape than I’ve been since the Army, I am working on a lot of issues I have emotionally and I have an amazing support system around me including my family, my beautiful girlfriend, and all of the amazing people that have taken the time to reach out to me and let me know that they are simply thinking of me. I will be starting college at Ohio University very soon and I promise that I will earn my bachelor’s degree no matter what. My sister and I still are trying to get past the prison to be able to be proactive in this movement towards a better society, one where we can all understand that what we do strongly affects everybody around us, something that I learned too late. I’ll talk about that for a second, the truth is that I haven’t even begun to deal with taking Vince’s life, I don’t know how. Every time that I try it feels as if I’m trying to step on a set of train tracks and try to stop the train. It’s overwhelming beyond words and sometimes I feel like I have no right, everything that I do to try and prevent unnecessary deaths in the future will only remind and hurt the Canzani family of what I have robbed them of. Even this very post is doing that. The one year anniversary just recently passed of the crash and I am proud of the things that Alex did over at becauseisaidiwould. I myself faced it like a coward, I did everything I could not to think of what I had done. Breaking down is not a luxury that I have in here, I spent a moment in the shower grieving the loss at my hands but it quickly turned into frustration and anger and I took it out on the brick walls. Sometimes I wish I could just scream at the top of my lungs and tear everything I can get my hands on apart, that’s how tremendous this frustration is, it torments me inside. But doing that wouldn’t solve anything and it wouldn’t bring Vince back. The good thing about purgatory is that it can end, and one day I will be away from this place. I will either find a way or make one.- Matt Cordle